he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
