I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
