I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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