He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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