Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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