She said her name was "party"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
