Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
