I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
