Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
