Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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