btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
