matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
