conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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