if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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