I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize