He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
