just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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