i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
