I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
