I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize