i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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