I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
