I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
