do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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