just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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