just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize