you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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