He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
