PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
