just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
