you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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