weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize