Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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