i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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