Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
