I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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