y did u give ur computer a hand job?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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