Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
