bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
