maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
