Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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