I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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