Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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