the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
