Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
