dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
