I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
