Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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