Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize