Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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