well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
