I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
