She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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