I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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