What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
