Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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