Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Randomize
