I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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