We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
