Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
