Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
