My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize