we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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