what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
